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*lonely n lost*
hmmm...think i really can't update my blog everyday like last le...cos like everyday very tire...den forget all about it...haizz...but...i am having two weeks of holiday soon...haha..."p after this week la...hmm...tml got ut sia...science de somemore...quite worried la...
today i nv go sch la...cos later got appointment den scare will be late for it la...haizz...get two x for this module le...so sad...i think i really have a hard luck la...cos whenever i got appointment...i nv go sch...den they can always choose their own group on that day...dotx...nevermind la...i knew my life wasn't that smooth...anti-social somemore...
this few days frens like drifting apart le la...cos of my anti-social...and feel weak to fight for it...haizz...still recall that how sociable i am on the first few days of sch...but now very tire le...moreover...no much confident le...feel like pon-ing on friday...have an early holiday...haha..."P
hOpe that we will stay as close and as unite...haha..."p cousin rules...!!OMG...!!!
wHen we wEre yoUng...can tell which one is ME??haha..."p oOps...my skin colour was so dark...haha..."p and my hair was funny...OMG...!!we were so funny....and cute...haha..."p (except mi la..not so cute) my sis look so cute man...and my cousins...haha..."p OMG...!! envy them sia...hmmm...i dun look cute leh...so old fashion also...haha..."p
cOusIn sPiRit...
bLeh..."p
sCaRY...!!
oH...wAt hAppEn???
sMiLe...",
yUcKs...sMeLLy..."p
hmmm..so long nv update my blog le...got about one week le...hmmm...these few days very tire la...everyday early wake up...den go school...almost everyday is the same la...dotx...den by the time reach home...very tire already...but still drag myself to finsih my reflection journal and also to eat bathe...den finally can sleep le...hmmm...but no time to do other things le...cos very tire...haizz...*****
but i thursday pon school...actually wanna go wan...but...my frens all nevery go....den that day almost half of the class nv go school...dotx...den the fac think she quite unhappy also...i also think she very ke lian la...actually i think she quite nice la...but dunno why so many ppl dun like her lesson...think cos very difficult...that's y la...dotx...haizz...
den we went movie that day...watched X-Men3...haha...den after day eat le...den a while later go home la...cos everyone wanna go home early...that's y...den actually wanna go esther and jas at orchard...but cos no time le...*****hmm...den yesterday...friday...very weird day...suddenly felt so left out sia...haizz...dunno wat happen la...suddenly feel so lost man...den feel like dropping out of school...dunno wat to do...like no more frens like... yesterday they all wanna celebrate esther b'dae...den wanna buy her cake la...den they plan everything without me la...den i jus follow lo...but jus feel so weird and left out...hmm...think mayb i had been replaced by someone la...no strength to fight back...jus let everything go...haizz...cos everyone got different perception la...OMG!!i suddenly felt so depressed...dunno la...den i find sandy to go home with mi la...cos hear melissa say she and char wanna go home first...den esther and eliane not going...this is wat she tells jas la...so i tok they will be leaving without...so i meet sandy lo... den on my way to mrt station...i saw a very weird guy la...den see wanna rain le so walk faster...also dun wan sandy they all to wait so long...hmmm...den this weird guy really dun care wat others think about him...cos from sch to mrt...all the way...he sings very loud la...den he also walking alone...people looking at him or laugh at him...he also dun care...he kept sing la...den i find it quite funny la...at least god sent this guy to cheer mi up...haha..."p den i wanna noe whether this guys noes there is somebody watching him anot...so i look straight to his eyes la...den he saw lo...but he still keep on singing...haha..."p is god trying to sent mi a msg when i'm down??i'm not sure... also...i saw someting very very shocked...haha..."p cos i saw both my secondary sch mates la...they also studying in rp...den actually wanted to called them la...cos i see they two walk together...den will chit chat la...but the gal i tok she is always very quiet de...but they two chatting la...haha..."p quite shocked also la...to see the guy will chat with her...cos the guy last time quite...like always joke around de...den saw him chat decently with this quiet gal...haha..."p den when i reaching them le den wanted to call them le...but suddenly...i saw them started to hold hand...so shocked man...so damn surprise...haha..."p hmm...but actually i'm quite depress when i leave the classroom la...cos called my fren so many time but they nv ans my call or rejected my call...also of something la...but on my way to mrt station cheer my journey up...thankx... ***** today wake up alot of times...at six something...eight something...den 9 something la...quite tire...den went to have breakfast with my sis at mac...did half of my rj there...and finish it at home...lucky still on time...haha..."p hmm...today is esther b'dae la...den they wanna go orchard shop shop...den eat fish and co to celebrate la...actually this wan decides long time ago le...den i also agree to it le...but wat happen yesterday keep mi into suspend whether i still wanna go or not...haizz...scare later not click...den also fish and co quite ex la...haha..."p hmm...but char nv go le...cos her grandpa also today b'dae...den she yesterday den realise...her mum dun let her go out la...so she is not going...den she nv go makes mi dun feel like going also...cos she takes the same mrt line as me la...den also of scare that i not really click with them...scarely i go there den nv tok...very anti-social la...but is esther b'dae today sia...think char nv go quite disappoint her already...but if i nv go also...will she be very disappoint...cos if lidat left they three only...dunno la...worried here and there...den cannot decide...den also if nv go with them i will be boring at home...but go there with them...maybe also will be bored la...dunno la...OH MY GODNESS!!!!
Our cousins' matrix pic...The cake we bought for our aunt b'dae...
It's lighted up...
friday...wake up as early as i could again...but still as late...haizz...i'm still the last wan...but not as late as 8 am la...haha..."p den go school again...meet esther n char...go up again...all the same stuff la...boring man...it's was mathematics n computing module...so we get to learn more about the visual studio thingy...
omg...xiao chuan suddenly become so expert sia...haha..."p he noes how to centralised and all that stuff...suddenly wan...haha..."p hmm...was headache during the first breakout la...cos dunno how to centralised...cos din noe xiao chuan noe how to...haha..."p yup...den we went to 7-11 during our first breakout...den bought the crackers...taste not as nice as last time...but they say the same...mayb my taste bud got problem anot...haizz...oh...den saw 'donald duck'...omg...so shock man...he actually toks to mi...haha..."p cos we two like nv tok de...haizz...dunno why suddenly he speaks to mi...haha..."p i also den realised about they two studying the same sch...haha..."p
oh...den today's powerpoint slides like last week's de...but we chose not to copy la...but this week's wan quite less sia...only 3 slides for presenting...dunno how will i be graded la...haizz...cos i think i did not much stuff la...den my visual studio thingy nv save properly...den lost it la...dotx...den must do again...haizz...lucky the deadline is saturday 12 noon...haha..."p everything need to hand up by 12...the RJ evualation quiz ppt and the visual studio thingy la...haha..."p the fac say cos friday mah...den special...haha..."p actually he also quite nice la...
den after sch...esther they all went to town la...den i nv follow...cos meeting someone...den the jasmine say i always nv go wif them...den next time dun ask mi along le...dunno kidding or wat la...den i told her nevermind lo...haizz...den we the usual take bus to the mrt station again la...wow...the bus take super long time to arrive lo...haha..."p cos we missed one already...hmm...den went to bread talk...cos char wanna buy bread...den bid goodbye when our mrt arrive...den esther say hope next time we can all go together...haha..."p i nv go out wif them 'onli' before sia...haha..."p dunno they will still call anot la..
oh ya...i think my fren today quite hao lian la...den i tell him all that in front of his face...i also forget how he react le...haha..."p cos he did quite well in his programming today la...even melissa all that also think so...feel like beating him up...haha..."p but won't la...cos we are frens la...jus say say onli...haha..."pxxxxx hmm...den today later wanna go aunt house la...dunno wat they up to also...i onli noe that they are celebrating my aunt's birthday all that la...den also nv say do wat...haizz...dunno la...jus go den see how...haha..."p den today is the deadline la...12 noon...feel so uneasy sia...like i haven do wat yet...but i tok i finsh all already...mayb cos of the deadline quite different as compare to the normal days...hmm...going to be late le...go wash up first...
wow...it has been awhile for mi to blog...haha..."p once i stop blogging...it will be a very hard task for me to start blogging again...haha..."p hmm...getting more and more lazy le...haha..."p
monday...think i go school...same lo...all that stuff wake up early...can't remember wat module le...haiz...stml...also dun remember anything big...but i think i was sick that day...oh...tuesday also haven recover...den also go school...but think...one of these two days never meet my frens...den late also...ya...think my frens feel sick...so nv go sch...den another fren meeting frens...den i was thinkin of wanna go school not...haizz...den think until i was going to be late...reach mrt station at 8 i think....den ask him to wait for mi...haha..."p den he also nearly late la...but was glad that he wait for mi...hehe...",
oh...den i nv go school yesterday...wednesday...cos also going to be late...reach mrt station at 8 again...den ask frens dun go also...den they agreed...so we went mac together...den go home sleep after that...haha..."p den after that go people's house...watch show....den go home at night...hehe..."p
today...reach mrt earlier...but still the last to reach la...really sorry la...sandy...haizz...feel so guilty...but still late...haizz...dunno wat to say also...ya...den today was science...den got the ut in the morning....quite okay la...den today's problem difficult again la...dunno wat is the concepts all that...everything so blur...hope that i am smart sia...dotx...so that i am able to learn things quickly....understand all this concepts...and can explain to others...but all this...dun think will happen la...i dun even understand the stupid stuff about the thing in the internet...the stupid writing la...haizz...
ya...den after sch...another thingy happen...dun wish to elab la...haizz...going to sleep le...
hmm...friday morning wake up very early...around 7 plus...cos sick lo...haizz...den mum wake mi up...do the same thing again...cos wanna go batam later...so have to do it...haha..."p den okok le lo...den went to meet sandy they all...bought mac breakfast...tok can't eat la...but breakfast is cook usin steam rite...den got eat...yea...den saw someone hairstyle change lo...haha..."p weird at first la...but slowly okok le...
reach batam by ferry...think we took penguin 6...haha..."p very lan sia...cos slowly can't feel the air con la...den sweating also...haha..."p hmm...den after tat...we went to hotel...also not so good la...cos ppl even can smoke inside the hotel de...den got aircon somemore...nearly suffocated...cos i sick also mah...cannot use nose or mouth to breathe...both result the same...haizz...den we also order some food before we go shopping...but...we all dun understand the menu...haha..."p wat we order isn't wat we think we are ordering...but the food quite nice la...too bad i can't eat...cos all fried de...sob sob...oh ya...we can also watch channel u at there sia...
yeah...den after that we went for shopping...but found out hor...actually there de thingy also about the same price lo...haha..."p den also nv see anything that gives mi the urge to buy them lo...den after we went to eat seafood...wow...haha..."p sounds apealing...
yeah...got prawn...but i ate two den my throat and ear itchy le...haizz...den nv eat le lo...but still got other nice nice dish lo...haha..."p lucky mum not there la...if not tis can't eat that can't eat...haizz...yeah...den we sang birthday song to sandy's father...cos his birthday tat day...den actually thinkin of goin for disco la...but...scare there not our territory la...cos nv go...cos later got something happen den no good le...den thinking of goin back to hotel to play 5-10 la...but...who knows...they all fallen asleep le...so we also go slp lo...haha..."p
hmm...but nv sleep properly la...T.T haizz...sleep abit cough cough cough...haizz....den wake ppl up...haizz...den also like cough until wanna vomit lidat...haizz...feel like dying sia...haizz...xxxxxden saturday...seven something wake up lo...cos xian's mother wake us up...haha.."p den go eat breakfast...omg...same stuffy environment again...den cough like wat sia...until i cough blood out...haizz...dying le...T.T cos they all smoke sia...haizz...den i also nv eat wat lo...haizz...hmm...den the whole morning feel weak...din really go where they go...i stay inside the bus la...den...dunno y la...can't stand long...den also puke a little...haizz...so uncomfortable...but after tat...okok le...think cos i ate something le ba...haha..."p i drink some hot milk n eat curly fries...haha..."p den okok le...can shop all that le...yeah...den i went shoppin...play bom bom car...haha..."p hmm...but they all leaving le...go to kampong...den eat buffet all that...den went back to terminal to take ferry home la...den all this took hours la...den abot eight something den reach singapore la...but tis time the ferry we took is penguin 16...wow...tis wan really nice...haha..."p cos is like airplane lidat...haha..."pden reach singapore...go eat...den go home...but sandy they all goin play pool...so i go home alone la...haha..."p den once i reach home...i fall asleep le...den mum still put towel on my forehead all that la...den i also feel very uncomfortable sia...haizz...cos cough cough cough until i wanna vomit while i'm sleepin...xxxxxhmm...den today wake up at 10 something...thinking of goin to consult doctor...but...today half day la...haizz...den wash up all that den goin to 12 already...so nv go see lo...haizz...den today wake scay movie 2 and 3...den sleep...den wake up night le...haha..."p today did nothing much also la...haiz...also nv eat much...haha..."p onli ate dinner and medicine...haha..."pand tml need to go school again la...haha..."p haizz...dunno la...later ppl kana my virus again...haizz...very scare sia...T.T
haizz...cos yesterday fever...den never sleep well...can say that i can't sleep properly la...den wake up quite early today...my mum put wet towel on my forehead...den ask mi eat panadols...den think a bit recover le...so go school lo...moreover also can dun go lo...even with valid reason also no use...
hmm...cos wake up quite early today...so i got to iron my clothes and everything...haha..."p ya...also i'm the first to reach control station...haha..."p not late today sia...hmm...but today shuyi late la...den we wait for her...today think we took the earlier train...tat's y got alot of ppl la...hmm...den jus rite also...cos char n i took the same train again...hmm...den esther called mi...and we meet her together...
hmm...den reach sch today...tok will change group...but the fac say 7 weeks den change...hmm...den also lucky i got go sch today la...cos my group got 1 ppl nv come...if i nv come also den think they all die la...haha..."p hmm...today a bit different la...cos no presentation...but some sort of role play...haha..."p i got to be the interviewer...much more relax la...but today dunno y la...i think will contribute the most de ppl nv contribute much la...i did the majority part of the ppt...hmm...tat's wat i think la...haha..."p
ya...den feel very weak today la...cos still fever i think...but i ask my fren la...she say no...hmm...but i felt a little headache and weak la...so lie on the table lo...hmm...den they all tok wat sia...i jus say i'm okay la...den today also shiver alot sia...too cold...hmm...den melissa and char so sweet la...they bought bread and panadols for mi...but i din eat la...cos no appetide lo...haizz...den jy today also like not so childish la...he ask ppl to giv mi eat pizza...but i din wan to la...cos no appetide la...
hmm...den after school today meet sandy go see the SLA fiesta la...den she sign up for netball and the make up ig...haha..."p den i sign up 3 sia...plus wakeboarding la...haha..."p hmmm...den after tat ask sandy to accompany mi to causeway point la...go metro and use my voucher la...den i spent on black eye shadow and eye liner...haha..."p but i dunno how to use sia...and dunno it suits mi anot...haha..."p ya...on the way to causeway i felt very weak sia...den ask sandy whether i got fever anot...den she say abit lo...
den go home also walk until like goin to faint like tat la...dotx...but nv la...haha..."p den i reach home...online awhile den sleep le...den wake up at 8 plus...my sis say i still fever la...dotx...so weak sia...but now okay le...cos i took 2 panadols la..haha..."p
confuse la...tml dunno how la...haizz...where to go sia...??can somebody help us think of a solution??haha..."p if can really genius le...
ya...tml still got UT la...dotx...den somemore tml modules is computing and maths la...dotx...hmm...dunno will change group anot...hmm...need to meet early and wake up early tml...think tml will be alrite la...haha..."p
hmm...today late again...sandy sms mi den i wake up...hmm...den rush rush...cos meet at 7.30am but reach at 7.37am...haizz...always late de...den very guilty...haizz...always see their face so glum sia...haizz...feel very bad...but still continue to be late...lucky reach woodlands at 7 something...den they go buy bread...and i meet char...timing jus rite..
den UT starts...hmm...i got shocked sia...the UT damn difficult lor...dotx...moreover can refer to electronic notes also no use...dunno where to refer to...haizz...hmm...den anyhow do...dunno will pass anot...haizz...
ya...den today change grp...haizz...i dun really like my grp sia...haizz...got ppl that i below average like only...haizz...moreover...today very wat...need to learn to use excel...but i didn't do it la...my grp member did it...hmm...dunno why he dun allow mi to watch him as he do...only mi...he ask mi to go back first...den later finish le den show mi...haizz...only mi sit my my place dunno wat to do...dunno wat will the fac say lo...cos...she saw mi sitting alone la...haizz...den they finish the excel already ask mi go see...den i also blur...ask mi see for wat??dun really know wat they wan mi to do sia...hmm...mayb they collaborate to oppose me or wat la...
den after that...mia ask mi and hizam to do the powerpoint la...den we dunno wat to do...ask mia...den i also forget wat she say la...haizz...den hizam say he wanna eat first...den got energy...den everybody agrees...so...dismiss...but i nv go for my break today...stay in class...dunno wat i did also la...got try to do the ppt la...but really clueless...haizz...failure sia...hmm...den ask ppl for help...den take ask reference...but the formula thing was wrong la...can't blame mi la...okok...can blame mi...it's my fault la...i am also part of my group...so can't push blame to others...
hmm...den few of my grp members came back...ask mi how was it...den i told them i did nothing...but actually got few slides lor...but tat's nothing to mi la...i onli indicate the heading and formula which is wrong...haizz...dunno la...den 1 something they all den came back lo...haizz...den i told them i did nothing la...the ppt haven done up yet...den they was like den do now lo...hmm...think they tok i and hizam do finish le...hmm...but...haizz...mayb they all blaming la...but they never say it rite in front of my face la...haizz...den...i was like...since it's break mah...so...break lo...haizz...ya la ya la...my fault la...
den ppt was very rush also...cos cannot finish on time...den the slides all that...the seqence who say first haven decide finish la...hmm...last minute den decide lo...hmm...dunno la...did quite badly overall...feel like banging the wall la...cos...everyone did not co operate well...hmm...sob sob...feel like leaving that time sia...haizz...but nobody wanna leave with mi...so dependent rite??haizz...hopeless...failure la...
hmm...den after school we decides to go gelare eat waffle...tuesady half price mah...hmm...den before we head to causeway point...we did something childish in class la...hmm..tat's not impt la...the more important thingy is that char say she and justin together le...haha..."p but justin dun wanna say la...hmm...but wat mention above was fake la...I THINK...haha..."p jus playing around lo...den someone say someone was unhappy to hear it la...dunno la...mayb is error of perception...haha..."p
hmm...9-11 got the SLA fiesta..thinking of goin tml la...but dunno wat to join...actually thinkin of wakeboarding...but many ppl warn mi for that...say that it's very tiring la...dunno la...haizz...
ya...my sis say i am having fever rite now...no wonder i feel so weak la...think i trust her la...haha..."p cos she is from SJAB la...haha...hmm...jus now help ah tong to find geography note...but i onli got to find the file...but inside dun have the notes that ah tong wan la...haizz...den keep searching...but can't find...SORRY AH TONG...!!
nothing special la...wake up late today...hmm...den quickly do tis and that...den rush here and there...dotx...hmm...den today is communication module...
when reach class..the fac say today change group la...den we were all very shocked la...cos din noe abt it...ya...and my new group members is melissa jasmine sven and mimi..haha..."p hmm...today problem quite difficult la...dotx...today we are ready to choose problem alreadi den the teacher say she distribute...dotx..sway sia...
hmm...den think today's presentation very bad la...dunno why...i stumble...cos i dun even noe wat am i writing abt...cos forget tis and tat words...dotx...den overall think quite bad la...dotx...
den after school went to MOE to pay the O level fees alone la...so sad...lucky never lost my way...haha..."p got signs to show the way to MOE la..haha..."p was so blur sia...everything also dunno just go there...dotx...haha..."p
yup...haizz..tml got UT sia...understanding test...for science...haven even learn or read yet...just dun care la...hmm...can see from 6 p all that la...hmm...die arh...now very tire le...tml UT on paper...think system down again...oh ya...den i still haven find my calculator...dunno where it gone to sia...dotx...okay la...go slp le...
haiz...never update for few days le...jus too tire la...dunno why nowadays fall asleep so easily...haizz...okay la...jus briefly say la..
the day before...we were deciding on celebating justin's b'dae which was yesterday...but still haven settled...dotx...i was very very sad...just that someone gives mi an uncertain answers...and i began to feel lost and cried...haizz...so weak sia...hmmm...but at least not whole day tis time...okay la...tis days too buzy to cry also...always has the urge to cry...but i noe i won't cry...and i can't cry...haizz..actually also forget wat issit about la...poor memory...hmm...ya...i promise them i won't cry in front of them la...cos someone say dun let my frens worry mah...haizz...dunno la...den fall asleep...so never update...
den yesterday is justin b'dae...esther and jasmine was not here...due to some network error or wat...haizz...den mi char joel buys cake for justin...think the sell cake ppl not happy also la...cos we stand there very long also haven decide wat to buy...den when decide already...we change our mind and buy another cake...haha..."p dotx...so lame sia...oh ya...den we three decided to buy condom for him...jus wanna tease him la...haha..."p wanna see his facial expression...hmm...den they two were very shy la...haha..."p den we decide very long...so i jus take money from them and pay the thingy that's all la...haha..."p dotx...actually wanna embarrass him...but end up...we all the ones who are embarrassed...haha..."p hmm...den we plan everything lo...hope justin dun be too disappoint la...cos onli we three help him celebrate..haha..."p
den we meet him...his face so glum...dotx...haizz...den try to mak him smile also cannot...he say he very tire...haha..."p mayb melissa never come la...tat's y...haha..."p jk...got char also can la...haha..."p okok...jk...hmm...den we went shopping...eat lunch...dotx...ya..lunch...the joel bring us walk so far to boat quay lo...dotx...den everyone sweat sia...haizz...feel like killing him tat time...haha..."p i also dunno why we go there with him...dotx...hmm...den eat le go back all the way again...siao rite??dotx...den after that...we went to marina to shop la...den when it is abt the time...
we went back to take cake...den give him surprise la...den half way thru...joel went to get the 'present' from his fren...which we ask her to help us keep first...haha..."p oh ya...den when joel leave to take the present...we saw sven...haha..."p but he can't join us la...cos got church...so...h left...haha..."p hmm...den joel comes back and give justin the present...but think justin jus like wow...lidat onli la...haha..."p dotx...den after that justin starts to play condom head...dotx...den say wat will become nun la...den we hit them back...mayb years later there will be two monks and two nuns from RP...haha..."p
hmm...den we went to buy alcoholic drinks la...den we ask justin to buy...but he can't...dunno why la...the guy say next day den can buy...so ridiculous sia...not on the day meh??haizz...mayb cos he see wrongly den anyhow say la...hmm...den i buy lo...den we went to esplanade rooftop i think...to drink and chat la...haha..."p den think everyone was 'drunk'...except mi...haha..."p i'm strong...dunno why la...i drink alcohol won't drunk de...they were drunk as in...justin puke...haha..."p cos he lie down before that...hmm...den char got very high...keep on askin us to play games all that...haha..."p den joel was dizzy...hmm...den they all say my face was red la...but i see that time no more le...hmm...ya...as char was too high...we played truth or dare with her...den after that we ban the dare la...cos not fun...joel say cannot involve strangers...haizz..den we...haha..."p found out some secrets la...haha..."p cannot tell...top secret...confidential...haha..."p
ya...den joel do some breakdance we went to take mrt home...oh...den cos justin not feelin well...so he went home...den mi joel send char back...cos we think she too 'high' la...den we were worried abt her safety la...haha..."p den we send her home...den go home lo...
haizz...today morning wake up...the first thingy i tok of is kel scold mi 'fan jian'...dotx...why she use so strong word to say mi...or scold mi??i still dun really get it...haizz...cos she say tis to mi in a casual tone sia...haizz...i also nv do anything to her...den she called mi tis...ya la...mayb i'm a slut to u la...haizz...dun care la...so many things happen...haizz...so sad already...still let mi think of this...and tis make mi feel worst...haizz...why do u need to use such word to say mi...dun say this to others anymore can??it is very hurting...i treat u as fren lo...u lidat treat mi...haizz...from den on i dunno how to face u le...haizz...mayb u hate mi ba...but i nv snatch ur thingy...haizz...
dunno la...u think the first thingy that came up of my mind will not worsem my day???haizz...dunno la...this thoughts makes mi more unwillinging to go to school...but i still go le...cos can't pon la...haizz...but den...everything was as bad in school...today got mock ut...so wake up at 6 plus...den prepare everything le go out...
but was late alittle again...dunno la...my house de stupid clock dunno why not accurate de...slow by 5 minutes sia...haizz...hmm...den saw my primary school fren when i am on my way to the mrt station...but she nv see mi la...hmm...den activate my ezlink card all tat...den take mrt...haizz...den in mrt...i saw tis lady staring at mi for nothing...dotx...really a bad day sia...haizz...den i ask shuyi loudly why the lady look at mi sia...dotx...den she still haven look away...so i also nv...haha..."p dun wanna lose out...
hmm...den keep callin char n sms her...but no reply all that...den reach causeway at 7.52am sia...like shit man...so early...haizz...cos char nv reply n ans my call den i went to school without waiting for her lo...hmm...den i and shuyi walk damn slow sia...haha..."p cos both of us dun wish to reach the class so early...hmm...den reach class lucky melissa was there le...but she look blur and tire...hmm...den char call mi...say she nv bring hp...tat's y...haizz...haha..."p
den suddenly...justin and...char...haha..."p they came in together sia...dunno where they went just now...haha..."p okok...teasing onli la...hmm...den do ut test...dotx...i nv finsh the test sia...left 3 question to finsh...but time's up le...haizz...so sway...but anyway tis mock ut test not counted la...just mock only...haha..."p den...today problem was damn difficult sia...dotx...
the worksheet all i dunno how to do sia...i think my brain really got something wrong la...cos i just can't remember anything that i had study in secondary school sia...oh ya...forget to say that...jas has cut her hair...actually she look okay la...but the jy keep disturbing her onli...
ya...den i think jy always nv contribute to his team also la...hear many rumors sbout him...he la...onli hav time to disturb ppl...but not contributing to his group...really like small kids sia...so immature sia...haizz...poly already still lidat...haizz...
ya...den today we were discussing whether wanna pon sch anot...cos the problem was damn difficult sia...most of them wanna leave...but...never...haha..."p we still hold on to the last minutes...haha..."p hm...i wanna go home cos i like no contribute to my group lidat...very irresponsible sia...haizz...den i do powerpoint lo...as much as i can...but overall...today everyone's presentation were quite bad sia...haha.."p haizz...think fac a little dissapointed la...
hmm...den after school...we went to causeway point...cos jas wanna buy cap...and i wanna buy the listerine...hmm..and rubberband...den cos esther quite hungry...so...we went to mos burger...sit down eat and chit chat lo...haha...okok la...dotx...den i order de milk shake very hard to drink...haha..."p drink until my cheeks there very 'suan'(tire n pain)...hmm...den go home after tat...till now...haizz...very tire...
hmm...thanks people out there who concerns mi...and u guy really let mi noe tat there are still people out there cares for mi...hmm...huijun and via and angela...and ppl out there...cheer up too...i also dunno why god must give us so many obstacles to go thru...but i noe...it's for our own good...so...i think...i must not be defeated by 'them'...
today...wake up again...den all that la..like everyday say the same thingy...i type until so sian le...haizz...den meet together...wif char...haha...hmm...den i got to meet my 'frens' de 'galfren' la...haha..."p actually is make fun de la...den quite fun la...i think i've been wicked lately...hmm...mayb nothing to do ba...haizz...dunno la...also jus found out tat my brain has been lagging...dotx...can't think much sia...abt all those stuff tat i did when i was in secondary school...haizz...too much thingy le...den my mind always go wrong track de...dunno why la...maybe system crash le...haizz...
think alot people got their own problem too la...like shuyi huijun via angela mi...haizz...dunno la...so the wat sia...why mus we have this...but i think only mine is i create it myself de...so i think i deserve it la...but the others are innocent wat...hmm...dunno la...
today our class order mac la...den like got many orders...den very messy...den when the food come den found out lack of tis and tat...totally lack of 1 set ba..but i think cos someone nv order beforehand...den she/he go take la...den hai wo no drink...dotx...haizz...den the person also dun wanna say earlier...also nv own up...hmm...forget it la...haiyo...
ya...den we watch MI3 today...haha..."p den was saw char was enjoying herself with two guy la...haha..."p last time is melissa...now char...haha..."p they take turns sia...haha..."p k la...kiddin onli k??melissa and char...if there is no teasin all tat...our life will be very boring de...rite??so...dun blame mi for makin both of u as my scapegoat...haha..."p sorry...
hmm...den watch MI3 le...my brain was totally blank...okay la...not 'totally'...but i jus coundn't remember wat i had watch...dunno why la...memory really bad...haizz...maybe dying soon le...dun miss mi kay??u guys...hmm...but think won't miss also la...haha..."p
today nearly cried in class la...cos got tok of him...haizz...but nv la...cos i noe how to control a little...from the experience with my dad la...haha..."p hmm...dunno wat to say le...very tire now...wanna sleep le...tml also got mock ut...haizz...must reach class early...
+ i'M aLL alOnEee +
+ lOviNg eUu is tOugH +
today wake up late...haizz...dunno why i so tired also...hmm...eyes really swollen...lucky not so obvious...i think...tat's wat they say...haizz...today...so damn not used to it...late again when meeting sandy they all...nv receive call frm him (as he will always call when i'm reaching woodlands to ask where am i n will meet together last time de)...whew...nvm...but i keep checkin my phone whether got missed call anot...but nope...so i assume...we are over...but still thinking wat is his 'normal' means...hmm...nvm la...i am the wan who started all tis...idiotic man...
hmm...actually itend to pon today wif char...den we reachin our blk le...den go back out again of school compound...we even use 'scissors' 'paper' 'stone' to decide....and char which represent the 'pon sch' wins the game...therefore...we head towards the traffic lights...but den...while walkin towards it...we still decidin...den...we saw kel...she was goin to be late...so as we...we really funny la...actually won't be late de...decide tis and tat...and so...time flews...haizz...
den go to class...settle down...and started to regret le...today's lesson was so damn difficult man...dotx...really hope tat i was absent...hmm...den our group was lost...dunno wat to do...as usual...i ask him for help...but...he nv reply mi...haizz...den my group members keep askin mi to ask him if he has it anot...den i say i dun wan...but they jus say ask...hmm...they dinno wat happen also...so...nvm...tat time really speechless la...dunno wat to do...feel like crying...feel like going home...but...nv...haizz...den break time...as our group really dunno wat to do...den i call him...hmm...no ans...call again...no ans again...haizz...den nudge him all tat...also nv reply...hmm...den go eat the indian stall...eat rice nugget fishcake n harshbrown...but...got a feelin everything got struck to my braces...den very uneasy...so i decided not to eat rice le...moreover...i eat very slow...haizz...dunno why la...started to hate eating le...haizz...think i call sandy...and ask her to help mi...and also call him...but think no ans also...hmm...really quite worried...sad...everything gona change lo...no more him at there for mi lo...haizz...*heartache*
lucky sandy found someone...den we are save...ask sandy some question...den we help here and there...and finally came up with the solution all tat la...haizzz...he at first told mi...'normal' and tis gives mi some hope...more hope coming up when he sms mi and say tat 'he jus wake up'...tat's explain y tis whole morning lidat...so i was quite happi for the rest of my day...
den reach home late...cos got the SAS welcome tea...den reach home le...pm him all tat...but...no reply again...something was not rite...i thought to myself...hmm...try to nudge him...pm him...wait awhile...den decide to call him...but...he hang up my call...i was like goin to reach heaven already...but drop back down to the earth...wat happen again...everything is so not normal...haiz...dunno...really dunno...i thought to myself...i can nv rely on him anymore...anymore...*heartache*
suddenly...a beam of light shine thru...he reply my pm...say he went out wif frens...quite upset la...nv tell mi all tat...den i ask him...wat are we now??wat he mean by normal??hmm...he said...let's be fren...and i was like...drowning in the open sea...mayb even down to hell now...feel like crying...really...tried very hard to control...cos my father was there...haizz...wanna cry also can't...everything jus went not so smoothly today...shuld be really rough...haizz...dunno la...why lidat...haizz...it is bcos someone idiotic...stupid foolish dirty asshole done something yesterday...and lead to tis...but i really tat a msg could mean alot...dotx...still so stubborn...as usual...serve mi rite...i deserve it rite??ya ya...shitty asshole...!!
haizz...dun really noe wat exactly happen today...haizz...everything was so sudden...our temper our 'stubbornness' and 'unsureness'...haizz...everything so stupid so idiotic so saddening...dotx...my eyes were swollen now...dun whether will be fine tml(later) anot...haizz...
issit settled??no idea...i dunno everything tat i wanna noe...i dun even noe how to find the answers...tis is not like school's problem solving...i can't find answer online...i'm lost...all lost...i still feel sad...i still feel very awkward...i still feel tat everything changed...i really dunno wat to do...anyone...??anyone care to direct mi??haizz...
haven eat my dinner...but not hungry also...dunno why...i think i can feel anything but sadness now...even though u said it's settle...but...i still think...we haven solve it...but...u think yes...den yes ba...i also dunno wat to do anyway...
why i keep expect for something tat won't be expected??haizz...u would do it last time...but not now...think...never again...but...i still hope for it...why am i so stupid??so stubborn...so...hopeless??useless??haizz...u really won't do it le arh??will u??do u get my msg??haizz...i hope i'm dead...so tat i need not suffer anymore...but who noes??haizz...so complicated...i dun wish to be sad anymore...can anyone grant my wishes??i wanna be happy...i must be happy...haizz...y can people has tis type of power tat will understand wat people wan...and gives them...so tat there won't be any disappoint...no sadness...
i'm so stupid...so naive...so gullible...really foolish to hope tat i will have a 'live happily ever after' ending...everyones also hope for it...but...
to think now...u still can go out wif frens...but me...crying at home...hmm...nvm...my hearts are shattered for u...but u dun even feel a pinch...and tis really really shows tat...u dun really care...now i'm suffering from headache heartache feel like dying...haizz...maybe i really deserve it ba...mayb alot of them hope tat i can jus leave tis world ba...hmm...cos i chose tis path...and regret myself...and i really am a failure...okay...i also got think of dying...
i really dunno how to face tis world le...i'm dirty...i stupid...i'm idiotic...i'm a failure...i'm everything bad in tis world...no one loves mi anymore...can jus die rite???i can't be independent...i'm a sticky shit rite??
somebody...please i beg u to kill mi...please...jus vent ur anger on mi...i'm all hurt...jus vent ur anger on mi...jus kill mi...nobody will blame u for tat...they will even thanks u for getting rid of this shitty mi...please...someone...
wat i want???i jus wan to hav a happy dinner today at esplanade...a sweet msg from u...and take neoprint together with u...but...why everything turn out to be like tis???wat happen??i dunno...feel like killing myself...but i scare of pain...wat i actually wan???actually i dun mean wat i say...i think...i jus wan a sweet ans from u...but...u are still the same...and u...or mayb me...or us...let history repeat itself...and...i was very sad...wat am i doing??why u nv stop mi from leaving u??i jus wan u to stop mi from going...but i think...u are jus too tired to hold on to mi...issit tat i'm nothing to u already...i noe u noe wat i wan from u...u are jus too lazy to do it...rite??u can still sleep...even though i suggested it...u can also stop mi from doing so...u noe??or maybe...u dun care le...i wish tat i will die now...and i mean now...i feel like tokin to u now...meeting u out...but...i feel like punching u...i wish tat i could cry in ur arms...i wish u could stop mi from leaving mi...i wish i can have a dinner neoprints wif u...can't u jus take the initiative??even if u are not in the wrong??can u jus ask mi to forgive u??can???i noe u won't noe wat i am wishing now...wat i am saying now...i wish i could die now...so tat i dun need to face tis world...u and all the problems we had...i noe u are tire...i noe u are lazy...but wat abt mi??do u think i feel good???i really hate u...i hate myself...and everything...dunno why u still can sleep at tis time...u really dun care...u dun feel heartache as i am...u dun suffer as i am now...u jus dun...is 'dun leave mi really' tat hard to say??or mayb...u are wishing for tis very long already????
so sad now...haizz..was crying...hmm...but when i tried to stop myself from cying...more tears flow out...haha..."p i guess i'm a idiot...dotx...everything seems not going well everytime...tok i would have romantic day...memorable day...hmm...but mayb i will...give up on my 'a year' will be as romantic...haha..."p
heart aches...reading via`` blog jus now...was crying also...jus can't stop la...haizz...i'm really a failure...but i think...i could grant u more freedom...more time...u wan it rite??jus take it...i was like thinking of am i wasting my 365 days??haha..."p a lazy u can never be ideal...rite??haha..."p every happy moments u gave mi..do need to pay a price after tat rite??haizz...
mayb the romantic day i wan is to give up on today...mayb...do u think we shuld stop wasting our time do u??u may be angry wif mi if i publish tis...hmm...other thing u jus dun care...but tis...haha..."p i'm so stupid...i am so idiotic...think no one in tis world will accept mi again...nevermind...i deserve it...haha...
i may be too harsh...but everything thingy jus prove mi rite...dun they??
hmm...today wake up at...forget already...think 10 something or wat lah...haha..."p den eat dumplings again...and mango after tat...so sweet sia...haha..."p den eat le must brush teeth...haizz...so troublesome also...hmm...den wat i do arh??watch tv all tat la...den online awhile...hmm...den so fast 2.30 pm le...haha...den go bathe and go out le...
today rain very heavily sia...dotx...den went out with my sis...cos she also wanna go mrt station...and most importantly she brought umbrella...haha..."p den i realise tat it is also about the same la...cos i also get wet...oh ya...and i also wear the wrong slippers sia...dotx...nearly fell down...
hmm...den tok i'm late le...but however...i'm not...haha..."p cos jas haven reach jurong east...haha..."p den meet jas n char in mrt when we are on the way to city hall la...haha..."p den i realise tat we are actually very late le...den melissa justin and joel already reach le...haha..."p den melissa was enjoying herself...i think...hmm...den tok esther will be reaching there before us...but...i'm wrong...haha..."p when we reach there esther was not there...after a while den she come...haha..."p den...we went shopping...
hmm...was kinda weird la...cos den...i realised tat i am very different from them la...and tat is our fashion sense...dunno why leh...today din really have the urge to buy clothes...which i normally has it...hmm...they went zara mango topshop all tat...which i usually dun go...hmm...den nv see anything tat i like la...also...i nv really tok much to them la...everytime wrong channel or wat la...jus realised tat we dun really click la...den also...dunno y can't laugh much today...cos once i laugh...i will feel headache...haizz...dunno la...
den...they went yoshinoya to eat dinner...which i usually love to go to...but today...dun really wanna eat...dunno why also...jus feel tat very troublesome la...den i left them and went to shop around alone...hoping tat i will buy something for sumone...actually wanna buy the bilabong shirt la...or wallet...but...the shirt size was kinda weird also...haha..."p den also noe tat the person got like same kind of shirt lo...den nv buy...den i also saw keychain...but i dun really like it la...cos...dun hav the urge to buy...also...i saw a shorts..feel like buying...but dunno why nv buy also...haizz...maybe cos haven buy the thing for tis person or...i hav too much similar colour shorts le...haizz...dunno la...so weird today...
haizz...den we went to suntec...hopin tat i could buy for thing for tis person...but still nv get in the end...but i bought a pair of sandals for myself la...dunno will regret anot...haha..."p hmmm...den we went to coffee bean...say ghost story all tat...dotx...so scary...den actually wanna go esplanade...but melissa wanna meet her bro...but in the end...think she went home herself...or wat la...hmm...den we all dun dare to go home alone also...char even take cab home from redhill...but esther still stay very calm...but i nearly wanna cry out la...haizz...but i finally reach home lo...quite tire now...
actually today 12 am was expecting for some sms...but...the person still with frens at chinatown...even got himself drunk and lost his voice la...hmmm...quite disappointed la...also dun feel like going out tml(later) le...haizz...dun think fun or appealing...haizz...
