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Well, now is 6.30 am in the morning. Did I mention what time I sleep and wake up nowadays? LOL. I wake up at 5 pm, and sleep in the morning around 7 am ? Depends on my tiredness. LOL. After I mention, my eyes starts to feel heavy, blaaaaaaaa.
Hmmm, come to think of it. Though I am anal in something. She is also anal in something too. Blaa. Just, nobody is perfect. And at least I know, some of my flaws. (for improvement..) Maybe she knows hers too? Elia also got get scolded when I am found to be overusing something? And she is too. Maybe because I mention to her before, hence, my karma.
Well, hopes I get to fall asleep fast later. I don't know. Though I am always said to be noisy, I think we are the same. Sometimes I too find it noisy, but I have no idea how to say it out. Hence, elia will just swallow the ti-bit of unhappiness. Blaa, I know I am petty. Sorry.
Blaa, that's why I wanted to move out and live alone. Isn't it better? Lesser chances of "abrasions". In which, nobody will be said anal of anything? Everybody will have a happy ending? Good friend, real smile, real reactions. Love each other more, at least a ti-bit more than now? kekeke.
But things always aren't that easy to settle. Blaaaaa. Money? And need to scout for another place, where it is reasonable. And need time to adapt, all over again? Blaaa. Don't know how.
Is there anyway to minimize the problems? Haiyaaaaaaaa. Life sux.
Sorry for complaining so much. I just need some place to drown my petty-ness. Blaaaa, I know I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't think this way. Sorry. I am also quite disappointed in myself. Struggling to be good. I wish I am less self-centered too. Though I say so much, you still weigh a lot to me okay. Don't get me wrong. If any way, anyone feel that I am being evil here, talking bad about somebody, shouldn't say this, please informed me to delete the post. Blaaa.
=( Hope I won't be not happy.
Exams are around the corner. Yet, elia still hasn't really start studying. What's wrong with me? I do anything but to study. Haiyaaaa. I seriously can't stand myself, but why am I still not studying?
People around me are having exams now. And my exams are like in one week time. Yet.. I seriously have no self-discipline. How can I build one now?
I want myself to start studying, and not lazing around. But how? Eeeee. I am seriously in a holiday mood. Do everything, cook, groceries shopping, went out, but start studying. (thou I feel the tension when the days are nearing, but I simply just drift. I hate myself for doing so.)
I don't seems to know a lot of things. And the current major issue is, I don't even seems to know how to control myself. =(
Well, just now something minor happened. Is just that my roommate took the wrong bowl of spaghetti, and I am like saying she took the wrong one and stuff. Though I thought, it quite an issue, cause, I don't wanna have so much, and I seriously thought she has a lot left. (I am thinking if she has enough.. but after pointing out to her, I find it quite redundant, am have no idea why I say all that.) Well, if you know me well enough, I just like to clarify stuff. Is not that I mind she taking my bowl of spaghetti, but just that I wan her to know she take the wrong one. (Though, sometimes, I seriously have no idea why I wan to clarify things still.)
Like when I know I had done something, and people accuse (or don't remember the incident), but I seriously remember it, so I will just say it, to clarify it. Thought it's quite meaningless. But I find that I have the right to clarify myself, and make it known. So for whoever has done it, they have their credit. And just to make sure everything is in a "fair-fair" situation, nobody feel they have been mistreat, or done anything extra. That's why I wanna make things very clear. Well, maybe this way, people do misunderstand me, or thought that I am anal, Sorry,
Okay, the point is, I am like that. I point it out, not because I wan back my spaghetti, but just to inform you that you are not having yours. So if you doesn't have enough, you can take some from "mine". Haiyaa. Whatever ah. I like I am anal at times. Don't know how people tolerant me also.
Blaaa, I oversee some conversation, complaining about me being this anal. So sorry. I don't know how to react thou.
After I being anal, I did think about it, and found it redundant, so I thought I should apologize. And I did. But I oversee the convo after. Don't how to react. Nothing much I can do, but to pretend I never saw.
LOL. Don't what happen. Why did I become like that. And why we become like that. Though we are best friend. But, why are we so fake. Why we can't say it to our best friend. I guess, it's normal to complain to someone? And it can be hurtful to tell them straight in their face?
I don't know. I did wonder, if someone say that straight in my face, how will I react? I don't know? I thought it would be good. But this is what I THOUGHT, but in actual situation, I don't know if it's the same as I thought or not.
Well, I'm not angry about that. Because I know I am at fault. Just like, I sometimes find people are anal about somethings too. The point for saying all this is not to back stab my friend and tell the whole world. But just, how I sort out my thoughts. Because, people have family, boyfriend and friends to talk to. I do have friends and family too, but I did tried to reach out for some, but they are not available. (Well, I am not complaining, I swear upon my heart.) And I thought, this is my blog, and is 24/7 always with me. So I thought, I could share this with my blog.
I know I always do thing without thinking, so if I really offend anybody, I apologize. I seriously, had lost myself, my mind, till, I don't know what is right or wrong now.
Oh ya, apart from this, I feel so sorry for my ex boyfriend and friends. I don't know how you all can stand me for who I am, but I sincerely appreciate you all, for still taking me as friend, and tolerant my nonsense. Especially my ex boyfriend (I know you won't be seeing this, but who cares, I am pouring out my thoughts to my blog), I am so sorry if I had mistreat you, badly. You know my memory, I only do things when I remember. So if I remember I am bad, I will treat you good. And I guess, this is what friends are for? Maybe?
I'm still on my path on learning this process, slowly. And it enlighten me something, that though friends complain and all, they still love you. So, if you happen to hear other people say of what your friend complain about you, don't get angry, but learn from it. They are all flaws,(thus people complain about it), hence is good that all must go away. -I hope I am right. If anyone disagree with me, you can talk to me about this. I am willing to listen and change, cos I am in the mid of learning too.
Well, I seriously need to start studying. But I had procrastinate it for so long. Anybody? Any idea how I can push myself? =( I feel so sorry for my dad, my family. I know, you all must be feeling very disappointed in me.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I really mean it.
Elia stop being flaky!!! LOL.
Blaaaaaa, it's impossible now. Nothing can be done. But why shadows of him appearing everywhere, saying "if you were here..."
Blaaaa, I know, I am the one. But it takes both hands to clap.
He is good. I am not good.
Why can't he be the one, at least, not into gamer. Blaaaaaa. Or is it me asking too much.
Elia, impossible. Forget it. Flaky moron. Go study!!
If only, you are not gamer. If only, I felt your love.
If only, I persist a little bit more. If only, I am not flaky.
If only...
=(
