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I've been weeping but yet you are chatting and seeing ur new girl and game. If only it was that easy, I could have moved on. Can't you see, im trying to be happy and
have been working really hard to not thinks about you. So now i am not fine because i still do think of you. It hurts a lot. And you're hurting me. You always hurt me but i can't
get enough because I still love you. I love you anyway. I dont want to love you but it just falls too deep. Why cant we just go back to everything like it was before.
I can't help but to blame myself for leaving you first. But why am I still dwelling at the same spot and yet you are so far away now. You asked me to move on and I had tried very hard to do so. But somehow, I find my body ain't moving at all; sweet memories (all the trips, from overseas to movies, expo, hospital, changi airport...) of us keep flashing in my mind and somehow the bad ones seens invisible now.
I left you because I thought I can, and had moved on. But, who knows. Maybe it could be easier if I had love you lesser. I am just like one useless drug addict now. However, there is no more drug for me. So I shall suffer till I quit or it will persist on till my deathbed.
There is time I would want to talk to you, msn you, call you and sms you. I wanted to tell you how much I love you, I misses you, and hope you're doing fine, please be careful. But I know I'm not supposed to do so, as I can't always find you like before now, so i deleted the message that I had typed out. (somehow wish that you will know, but...) I had to keep it all to myself now, in order to not irritate you further. What I said to you previously was commented being too straight forward. But I thought we were close enough to open up to everything, as we know each other for more than 2 years. We share almost everything of our stuff in these 2 years. Hence, I thought it would be okay till I got a "dunno" from you, I realised I was actually wrong.
Things wouldn't the same like before now. Hate to see and say these but, you could have treat the girl how you treat me like before, or even better. She could have better understand you and knows you better, as she too play the same game as you, common interest which we are lack of. I should've known my limit. Sorry. I don't wish to and will not irritate you further.
I am rather contradict now. Wanted to wish for your happiness, but wish you come back. Wanted to be happy, but keep tearing because of the flashing memories. Wanted to not know how you treat her, but was curious about her; what and how she attracts you, the level that you two are at now. Wanted to die, but lack of the courage. Wanted to forget but keep thinking. Wanted to move on, but I trust no guys now. What am I doing!!!!!!! ARGH!!! =( =( =(
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