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I seriously had a very bad first night shift at work. I am truly sorry about what happened. And seriously got something on, that is why I left the workplace in the rush. I know you got all the right to be angry with me. I know it's my fault. My night shift partner allowed my to go ahead with my plans because she knows. But this girl.. I guess, what I've learnt is, at workplace, there is never mercy. People will just bitch about it, despite the fact that you have your reasons.I am seriously feeling shit, and even cry because, I seriously feel like staying, but I just can't. Either ways, I am letting either sides down. I even try to contact my partner to ask about it, straight after I finished my stuff. I tried my best to get the colleague's number, who is mad at me, to apologize. And she didn't even bother to reply, and she even scolded the person who gave me her number.I know sorry is just not enough for this kind of situation. I know, I am just suck, to have not anticipate my night will be this bad, and make plans straight after my work. It's my fault, I know. You have all the right to bitch about it, and ignore how people might feel. What kind of emotions I will feel, and how much it will affect me. It's okay. I deserve it.I am just sad that, this is reality.
Tomorrow, 18 October 2010, will embark me on a whole new journey, a new chapter in my life. My first official job. My Career. =D A new environment for me to adapt. Meeting new people, and new machines.Not really excited right now, but am looking forward to it. Hopefully this wouldn't affect me and my baby's relationship. =DWell, I got to meet baby for 3 days consecutively, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (Today). =D He is really the sweetest guy ever. Knowing that I am starting work soon, he even took the effort to take off for me. In order to spend more time with me. Hopefully these last. He even agreed upon sending me to work, and fetching me from sgh initially. However, he got a test tml, but sweetly, he still agree to fetch me from work tomorrow. =DWhat he said to me today still replaying over and over again in my head. "Treat every handsome guy at workplace like the devil in Town (a movie), they are trying to steal you away from me." -so sweet, and cute.I just hope all these happy moment could last till eternity. Faith. ♥♥♥♥♥ =DGoing to get to bed soon. Need to rest early, and prepare for the embarkation of my whole new journey tomorrow. A chapter of my Career in life. =DGood night everybody. Sweet dreams, and good luck to me tomorrow. Hopefully everybody are friendly and true. =D=D ♥
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
Baby, I have decided.
If you say you love me,
And I am the person for you now.
I wouldn't care about anything else,
And love you with all my heart.
I don't mind how you pursue me,
Where you bring me to,
Or what you buy for me.
I don't care what you have done,
for your ex, or for me.
To whom it is better.
I just want to cherish what I have now,
And what I am feeling now.
Because, not everybody can makes me feel this way.
Because, I am gonna make it different this time.
Because, I believe that it will happen, this time.
Because, I have faith.
Let's have faith. =D
Yes, I promise to think this way as from 8 October 2010, 5.01 pm (sg).
The reason why I wrote this here, to blog it.
I want you people (if there are), to witness this, to remind me this, to make me remember this forever. =DD
♥♥♥♥♥ Elia.
I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.
-Augusten Burroughs
It hurts. Especially when you are vulnerably sensitive. When someone just answered in a extremely cold way after you thought you had done something great.
I wish. God can sometimes tell me the answer. Who is in my future. So that I wouldn't get cuts along the way. I am a coward.
Happy or sad. You are the one who are feeling it. You are the one who are taking it. So, you do get to choose. =D
Been in Singapore for quite sometime, still haven found any suitable job. But well, I'm starting on my part-time job already. Selling mooncake. =x Yeahh, I realised how stupid I am now already. =( Blaa, but I have agreed to work with them, so I have to continue till the end of festival? =] I have to keep my words, somehow. =]Well, things change. Friends that I thought we are still close, stray away. Probably, 1 year is really a long time. Despite the fact that we are still in contact, but people come and go. Hence, just when there's people coming in, human tend to build up stronger memories and relationships, and stray away from the older one. Or maybe, it wasn't tat strong to start with the old one. AHAHA.I have to learn to accept. I'm still trying. Will give up when I'm tired on trying uh. Been thickening my skin for quite sometime already.. AHAHAHA. I dunno. At least I've tried? Or probably, 10 years down the road, when we saw each other again, looking back, and realise, I probably had to try harder, or be persistence. But at least, when I look back at this post, I know, how thick skin I had put up with, and it takes two to clap eventually. So, I should say, at least I've tried what I should do. =]Hmmm, been searching for jobs recently. But didn't get to really do it, cos my sister using my com. =( I know, sometimes I really feel irritated. Because, it's my com, and I'm doing important things, things that matters my future. But, she dun understand at times. Or I am quite irritated at times too. I dunno how should I feel uh. Hard to maintain, hard to be good. I have my temper too. I'm trying to be nice. And it's hard to be, cos I'm not a nice person. LOL.I know, I can be really childish at times, and wanna things my own way too, like any other people. I know I am not a nice person. Sometimes, I really thought I have split personalities, or am I bipolar? AHAHA. Cos I can feel myself getting angry, or irritated, and after that I feel guilty and all. So am I still stable? AHAHA. I don't know. EEEEYYYEEER.. Is this normal???Well, hopefully I can get some interesting job, with good people and good environment. I really wanna, and really interested in forensic science. But I know I have really zero chance in getting into that division. That's disappointing. But hopefully I can get into any other good and interesting division or company, helping me to explore my interest.Yeahh, I know, I should just look at what I have, and not what I don't in order to live happy. =] That's another thing I have learnt in life. OPTIMISTIC. (Easy to say, but at least I'm trying to think this way. =] )
Okay, been going out for the past few days. Ups and downs. Plus, my luggage is not fully unpack too. And my trip is nearing. AHAHAHA. So many things to do. So lazy.I don't know what happened recently, or am I thinking too much? First thing first, it's like hard for me to trust somebody. And now, friendship like turn sour???I should have just believe in what he says and all. But why must all the loopholes find me? Sadly said, I wanted to tell these to my close one, but they like miles and distance away, though I'm back here. Who I used to share all my stories to, seems different when she came today. Am I thinking too much?I also longed for the cheerful Elia, but why things become like this in Singapore? Shouldn't hometown be more welcoming and comfortable?Okay, got to prepare.. Hopefully friends still friends. Still in contact, still feel the same to each other despite the fact that they are growing, and becoming busier.
I have arrived in Singapore, mixed feelings. So lost. Even lost because I have no idea what is with me, what I brought over and all. Really really grateful for people who helped me packed my luggage when I'm gone (wasted). AHAHA. OMG, that was disastrous. Well, a very big thank you to Adrian, someone whom I know for less than a month, but we both clicked quite well. Wanted him to be my brother, but, he rejected me. =/ Well, I seriously am very grateful to meet this friend, hopefully our friendship last. Promise is meant to be FULFILL okay!! ahahaha. Thanks Thanks Thanks, a million thanks is not even enough for me to show my gratitude to him. My nanny for graduation, very sweet fellow who helped me carrying my stuff, took pictures and gave me a cute little scholar bear, with uq logo, for graduation. =DDAlso, secondly, this housemate of mine, know her through friend's friend, helped me in packing my luggage too. =DD Thank you Weiqi housemate. =DD AHaha, though there were funny parts which I would rather keep to myself now, regarding some mixing up of clothes. AHAHA. But a very big thank you to her too. She has been really nice person, we both clicked well too. And I hope friendship don't end here aite. =DD Thanks for helping me with my luggage, and bringing back my stuff, and bathing too, right? AHAHAHAH.And last but not least, people who are there to see the whole procedure, and whom I am suppose to meet for dinner, Mr Sean and Mr Gavin. And thank you Gavin for driving me there, and both of you in sending me off. =DDI am seriously blur, from where I check in, to where I touch down. =/ And so many handful of luggage in hand, can't even breathe properly when holding them. =/ Well, all in all, the main important thing is that I have arrived Singapore safely, hate alcohol already, and get most of my stuff flew down with me. (Thanks thanks again for helping me to pack.)I've got seriously pissed off with some little stuff. Yeah, I know it's little stuff, and I shouldn't get angry with, but then again, it's just a little stuff, and I just need a few fingers (not even a hand). Somebody whom I barely know them for weeks helped me so much, but somebody whom I know for years, just a little stuff hurt me so much. There is probably some misunderstanding, I seriously hope. But what makes me angry the most is the answer I got before I take off, the part where I said, since there are some mixing up, and I got to helped to bring your stuff over accidentally, why not you help me bring some stuff over too. And the answer that I got was, "no, it's not as though I asked you to help. And my luggage were full too." Left me speechless for a moment. Do I still know you?Maybe because of something that makes you unhappy, and parents are pressurizing you. And I am not as understanding, I should say, but I think I had missed out seriously big part of you, and makes me feel so distant with you, you know. I hope, and I don't think you are that kind of person with different personalities right. I just hope it's a huge misunderstanding between all these issues. Sorry, I know you have been through a lot more than I am, and it's selfish for me to be angry about this small matter. (Or maybe from your point of view, I am seriously selfish, annoying, and troublesome? I hope it's not about some money issues that got us this way.) But, I seriously don't understand what is going on, with things, with you, and me. Things change, but I think, isn't this way too fast? This is not you, I know.Blaa, anyways, first night out, dinner date with shuyi, sweeteng, gina, melodie and jx, with my mum tagging. LOL. Hmmm, dinner wasn't as great, due to the food weren't as good as I remembered. =/ Well, but the accompanies were great. It's nice to have dinner once in a while with people so dearest to you. All are working adults, except for Ms Gina, who still claim herself as a full time student, and part time working. AHAHA. Well, I can see some changes in few, and the old in most, but still everyone is still as sweet. =DD More stories to update me okay. I wanna get filled in everything.Oh, and, my skin, seriously bad uh. =/ There were lots of comment regarding that. My dearest skin, can you please be good, and not be haywired? Please, please, find back your old stable self please?? =/Arghhhhhhh, more to unpack. And more to pack for my thailand trip too. Singapore is seriously hot, OMG!!!
